Marriage and Friendship

Intro

Friend is simply defined by Merriam Webster Dictionary as “a person who you like and enjoy being with,” and Best Friend as “one’s closest and dearest friend.” Friends have similar interests and best friends even share the joys and sorrows of life. Having your spouse as your best friend can be one of the great benefits of marriage. If you and your spouse are an already best friend, that’s wonderful; if not, maybe it’s time to understand the importance of friendship in marriage.

Relationship expert John Gottman, professor at the University of Washington, and author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, says “Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship” and that friendship is the core of a strong marriage. Gottman’s research has shown that a high quality friendship in a marriage is an important predictor in romantic and physical satisfaction. So it’s crucial you know some of the barriers that distort marriage and friendship.

Abuse in marriage

We marry dreaming of “happily-ever-after.” But sadly, 85% of all women in the world (and a significant % of men) find themselves in an abusive marriage or partnership. And when that occurs, most are in denial.

Abuse is a complex concept, one that is easily defined and yet very difficult to understand and identify. Many who have experienced abuse in any form for long periods of time or from a number of people in their lives have difficulty distinguishing unhealthy relationship patterns and the dangers of prolonged abuse.

The term “abuse” covers a broad spectrum of behaviors and actions thus making it difficult to define a specific number of types. The following examples are the most commonly recognized types of abuse in a partnership, marriage, or long-term relationship.

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is perhaps one of the vague types of abuse to which an individual can be exposed. Emotional pain and hurt are not uncommon in relationships – it is human to feel negative emotions in response to arguments or unpleasant events in a relationship. While it is natural to feel emotional responses, it is not healthy or natural to feel as if your thoughts, feelings, and emotions are regularly threatened by your loved one. Emotional abuse is a consistent denial of your right to express your feelings. It is a violation or ridicule of your most important values and beliefs. These are some warning signs that you may be experiencing in this type of abuse:

  • Withholding of approval or support as a form of punishment.
  • Criticism, belittling, name-calling, and yelling.
  • Regular threats to leave or being told to leave.
  • Invasions of privacy, and
  • Elimination of support by preventing contact with friends and family.

Psychological Abuse

Psychological abuse is also difficult to define as it encompasses a spectrum of abuse that offers no obvious physical evidence. Psychological abuse can be included as an element of emotional or verbal abuse, making it difficult to define it as a distinctly different form. Many experience this kind of abuse in the form of restriction, belittlement, unrealistic demands, or threats. It can also include things such as withholding affection/information in order to extract certain behavior from the individual being abused. Many of the signs of this type of abuse are similar to those of emotional abuse. Examples include:

  • Refusal to socialize with the victim,
  • Taking car or house keys from the victim to prevent escape or safety,
  • Threatening to take the children,
  • Playing mind games, and
  • Ignoring or minimizing the victim’s feelings.

 

Verbal Abuse

Verbal abuse is often the mildest form of abuse with overt and obvious evidence. While some verbal abuse is practiced in secret or when no one is around, many verbal abusers become comfortable with making statements around friends, family, and in public settings. Behavior can range from small, repetitive comments to loud, angry shouting meant to belittle the one on the receiving end of the comments. As with the two previous forms of abuse, verbal abuse shares similar characteristics and warning signs.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is the most common and obvious form of abuse. Visible markings; cuts, bruises, contusions, and other long-lasting forms of evidence can be present. However, some overt forms of evidence are not present for extended periods of time. Many people experiencing physical abuse are exposed to pushing, shoving, slapping, biting, kicking, strangling, punching, or abandonment. An abuser may subject the victim to being locked out of the house, deprived of food, medicine, or sleep, or refusal to help if the victim is sick or injured. Physical abuse can include harm that is intentional or harm that is inflicted without the intent of hurting the individual. Repeated abuse can lead to a myriad of physical and mental health issues including brain injury, heart conditions, respiratory issues, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and anxiety. Neglect, a form of physical abuse, is the withdrawal of or refusal to support the victim. Like some other types of abuse, it is often difficult to assess and diagnose properly.

Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse is a very complex form of abuse, is not necessarily a category alone but rather is a combination of physical, psychological, and emotional abuse, particularly in long-term relationships. It may present in the following ways:

  • Anger or jealousy,
  • Criticism sexually,
  • Withholding sex or affect to hurt or punish someone,
  • Publicly showing interest in others,
  • Forcing unwanted sexual acts or forcing sex after beating, or
  • Forcing any part of sex using guilt, coercion, or manipulation.

What can you do?

If you are experiencing the characteristics of unhealthy relationships, do not be afraid to ask for help. Be sure to have a trusted friend or family member on whom you can rely. It is not weak or embarrassing to ask for help when you need it. And trust your instincts! If you feel uneasy about going home or fearful of your spouse or partner, take steps to ensure your safety. This could include having a friend with you upon returning home so you are not alone, or, in severe circumstances, going to the home of a loved one or to a domestic violence shelter rather than going home. Above all else, know you are not alone! If you are experiencing the characteristics of the mentioned types of abuse, there are those who can help and support you. While reaching out can seem like an impossible and perhaps dangerous task, know there is help ready and waiting for you.

 

Five Reasons Why Cheating Is Common In Marriages

Sometimes you see couples at the brink of a divorce due to problems arising from infidelity.

Emotional or sexual infidelities increase when carelessness enter into a marriages, this is one of the reasons for cheating.

In successful marriages, couples understand that there’s a tendency to cheat so they’ll do everything possible to avoid that.

Here are 5 reasons cheating are common in marriages:

 

  1. When couples think they’ll never get caught

The odds of cheating being found out has increased in modern times unlike before when it was easy. Once couples become careless, the thought of getting found out becomes the least of your concerns and it becomes easy to think no one suspects you.

  1. The consequences of cheating has never occurred to you

Being betrayed by a partner isn’t an easy thought to handle. The person you trusted is cheated and that spells doom for your marriage. No one really wants to go through that.

  1. You assume your spouse doesn’t care anymore

Life could get in between your lives, children and jobs could hold your attention and you may not pay your partner any attention anymore. Couples should always try to clear out time for each other.

  1. Infidelity runs in your family

If there’s a history of infidelity in your family, you are more likely to tow that line than sticking to one person. Share your values with your spouse and know where you both stand on cheating.

  1. Opportunities to cheat

It’s hard to resist temptation, but there are ways to resist temptation. Keep in touch with home whenever one of you is away.

 

Conclusion

Sometimes individuals and couples can feel dissatisfied, unhappy and unfulfilled in their marriages/ relationships and be unsure as to what exactly is wrong, there are many  factors that contribute to a satisfying  marriage/relationship such as; Love, Commitment, Trust, Time,  Attention, Good Communication including Listening , Partnership, Tolerance, Patience, Openness, Honesty, Respect, Sharing, Consideration, Generosity, Willingness/Ability  to Compromise, Constructive management of Disagreements/Arguments, Willingness to see another’s viewpoint, Ability and Willingness to Forgive/Apologize, Fun. The list is simple and obvious yet it can be very difficult for individuals /couples to restore their marriage/relationship to a satisfying one when difficulties arise or when they drift apart. Sometimes couples feel that things are not right between them, they wonder what is wrong and what they can do.

There are many areas of closeness that can enhance a marriage/relationship, help it to remain strong and help it to get back on track when it has become distant /difficult.
The following four areas of  closeness can help  guide a couple in assessing how their relationship is and can also guide a couple in how to become closer and improve their relationship when difficulties arise, or when they have become distant from one another.

                      Areas of Closeness
Doing things Together              Physical Closeness
Emotional Closeness                 Sexual Closeness

None of the four areas above are more important than each other but each can help another area to thrive and all together they can help a relationship become more satisfying, closer, and more intimate.

Doing Things Together
It is important that couples spend time together. With busy lives, many commitments and children to care for couples can find themselves with very little time for each other. Spending time together regularly, shopping, dining out, going to the cinema, walking, swimming, involvement in sports, exercising, sharing hobbies and holidays can help couples become closer and have more time to talk and therefore get to know one another better.

Physical Closeness
Physical closeness is important for a couple to be close physically. This can include eye contact, holding hands, hugging, sitting close together, and massaging one another. More opportunities for physical closeness will enhance a couple’s sense of closeness and intimacy. It is important for couples to be conscious that some individuals are more comfortable being physically demonstrative than others and it is important to try to understand how comfortable or otherwise your spouse/partner is and take it from there.

Emotional Closeness
Emotional closeness will help couples get to know and understand each other more deeply and also have empathy for each other. It involves being open with each other about feelings, thoughts, beliefs, values, hopes, worries, fears, dreams and ambitions. Attentive listening enhances emotional closeness when both individuals listen in order to get to know and understand their spouse/partner more fully, rather than to disagree, judge, blame or criticize their spouse/partner.

Sexual Closeness
Sexual closeness is important that both individuals are happy with their couple sexual relationship and feel able to raise and discuss their sexual relationship with the other as needed. Sometimes couples can be very concerned about the frequency of their sexual activity. As long as both individuals are happy with the frequency and the nature of their sexual activity there is no need for them to be concerned or to compare their sexual relationship to those portrayed in the media or those reported by others of their acquaintance, both of which can be at variance with reality!